Closing Ceremonies.

Tonight. Is the night. When ttwwoo become oonnnee.

 

Just kidding. There will be no Spice Girl singing here.

 

Tonight is the night of the closing ceremonies of the Olympics, and I am quite distraught! I don’t want it to end! Watching these Olympics. Watching new medalists receive their medals. Watching the athletes do the things they love to do. It makes me want to be there so badly! All I can do is sit in envy, watching the athletes have the time of their lives, the experience of their lives. I think to myself, I want that. Right there.

 

Seeing the athletes there, it makes me realize that this dream I have, although to some might seem very out of reach, is achieve-able. Those athletes have made it. They put in the time, the effort. They got past the sweat and tears, and learned from the rewards and triumphs. They have learned that, with sport, comes agony and ecstasy. And look where they are now. Olympic athletes. The best title anyone could have….well, only one thing would be better.

 

Olympic Gold Medalist.

 

Pictures.

Some ski signs.

The crowd at the Youth Men Individual.

At the opening ceremonies. this does not even begin to describe how many people were there!

Some kids skiing to school!

**Read the post titled "The Pursuit"

The Pursuit.

I had done all I could do. My race was done. Over. Everything else that could happen was out of my control. All I could do was sit and watch my name get bumped down from place to place as other girls finished ahead of me. All I needed was a top 60 to be able to race the next day. Top 60, not to hard, right? I shot alright, 3 misses. I thought I had skied alright. For minutes, the contact between my eyes and the big screen monitor was undisturbed. 28th. 34th. 44th. 56th. 60th. If one more person finished ahead of me, I would be out of the pursuit. A few more seconds passed, and the monitor updated. 65th.

 

Dang.

 

I dropped my head and closed my eyes. This? This was the feeling of defeat setting in.  I sulked into the wax room, dropped my skis off, and walked back to my room. I wasn’t quite sure what to think. I had wanted this. The pursuit. That was one of my goals for this series of races, to qualify for the pursuit. But things didn’t work out that way. Sometimes, that happens. You see things going one way, and they turn out completely different. I had known going into these races that I would have to push myself to get into the pursuit, it wasn’t going to be easy. And I thought that I was ready for it. But when the time came, when that last beep went off and I skied out on that course, I just wasn’t there. And the other girls took advantage of that, as I would have done had the roles been reversed. That’s part of biathlon, taking advantage of your strengths, and trying to overcome your weaknesses.

 

So, I won’t race tomorrow. Even though I would rather be racing than sitting in the stands, this will be good for me I think. It’s a good chance to sit back, take notes, and learn some things. If I can’t get the experience of racing in the pursuit, at least I will be able to take something away from it. I will be able to see what the other girls from other countries do differently from me, and what they do that is similar to me.

 

I noticed one thing today. I feel like I have improved a little bit, just by being here, just by experiencing these races and being around these girls. This has been a total eye opener for me, and for a lot of girls here I think. There is a level of competition here that has reminded me why I love this sport. I now recognize how much work and how much improving needs to be done before I can be ready to be competitive at this level. So bring it on, I’m ready for it…for real.

i decided something today.

I decided something today.

 

But first, (before I get to that) I have finally taken a look back at what I was thinking about before my trials races. I was reading way to far into my emotions. I was nervous, plain and simple. I wanted to make this team so badly that I was beginning to doubt all the work I had put in, thinking that it wasn’t good enough, or that everyone else had worked harder than me. But I did know one thing; no one else wanted it as bad as me, and that is what kept me from totally losing my head during the races. After I got past my dramatic thought sequence, I began to realize that drive and focus were 2 things I had that I could use to my advantage, and in the last race, it all came together. And I could not have asked for better timing. So, I can honestly say I have learned from these races. At least now I know what I can expect to encounter on my next big trials races, and do my best to avoid these thoughts, or at least know how to deal with them.

Next thing on my mind? Sweden. This past summer there was an article on usbiathlon.org that was an interview with Grace and I. One of the questions that was asked was something like “what are your major goals for the year?”, and I replied that I would like to make the Youth/Junior World Team (check) and have one top 15 finish in Sweden. Over the past few weeks, I have been getting the vibe that people think this goal is a bit “lofty”, seeing as it is not only my first Youth/Junior Worlds races, but also my first European competition, and my shooting has been a little off lately. I was thinking about this as I was skiing today, and then this thought popped into my head. At first, I was going to try and change my goal, make it a little less of a stretch. The truth is, I was scared to believe in a lofty goal. I didn’t want to look like a total fool if I didn’t achieve it. I put my goal right out there for people to see, and they could do with it whatever they pleased; make fun of it, doubt it, embrace it. I don’t know.  The main conflict was, I did not want to look like a crazy girl who had all these crazy dreams about wanting to do well at her first junior worlds. But you know what? You have to have those crazy dreams in this sport. You have to believe in yourself even when no one else does. (CORNY, but factual.) That is what I have decided.

And you know what I say to those people who doubt my goal? Go watch Miracle. I know that this goal may be difficult to achieve, but if you have a goal that is easy to achieve, what is the point of having a goal in the first place? You need to have something to strive for. Because I set that goal for myself, I am going to be pushing harder and harder through those races to try and achieve it. I am going to want it.  And even if I don’t get it, even if I fail miserably, I will know that I tried, and I at least believed enough in myself to set such a mission for myself.

 **please excuse my use of the word “lofty”. I watch the movie Miracle way to much. 

Trials.

Youth/Junior World Team Trials. these are the races i have trained all year for. they seemed so far away at the beginning of the summer. well, i suppose they were far away at that time. but i guess it seems like just last week that i was thinking about how far away they were. and now, here they are. next weekend. 9 days. they are not far away anymore. summer and fall training went by so fast. back at the very beginning of summer training, i was feeling very confident in myself, in my shooting, in my training; all around confidence. i visualized myself making this team over and over again.  but as the races get closer, those feelings of confidence are beginning to...not dwindle, but be put in the back of my mind, and other, less important thoughts are coming to the front. its almost like now, i am visualizing myself not making the team, which is backwards, i know. nervousness, second guessing, doubt, thoughts of "well, what if i don't make it"...all things that should not be even in the general vicinity of my mind. normally, i wouldnt touch those thoughts with a - 39 and a half foot pppooollleee. :) but for some reason, i can't get them out of my head. going into these races, i need all the confidence i can muster. i need to be focused on my goal. this has been the centerpiece of my training all year long, and last year too, and i would be very disappointed in myself if i am the reason i don't make this team; if my thoughts are standing between myself and my goal. has anyone ever seen the move "the peaceful warrior"? if not, go watch it, and you will see exactly what i am talking about. my coach, my family, my teammates, they have done all they can do. now it is up to me to finish the process. 

i chose to write about this topic because i wanted to make it easier for all of you to see, and even for me to see, what my train of thought is like going into these races, and if it changes at all as the races get closer. i will make another post a few days before my first race, and write about what i am thinking then. and i will write a new post after my races are done, and see what i think about these thoughts now, and analyze them. i think this will help me become a better athlete, and i think it will be interesting for all you readers to see what my thought process is. i dunno. it might be kind of cool.  stay tuned. all that jazz. 

p.s. - check out my sweet slideshow in the top left corner. :)

p.p.s - i am definitely open to suggestions on what to write about. if there is anything that you want to hear about, just leave me a comment, and i will write about it. 

The Little Things

Training for a sport that is difficult in so many different aspects can sometimes wear on your body, and not just physically. Biathlon is draining physically for sure, but it is also very draining on your emotions, and your mentality. There are many situations that are presented to an athlete on a daily basis that they have to be able to deal with in a proper manner. And there is one category of these situations that I like to call “the little things”. This category contains all the small aspects of the sport that shouldn’t really get you angry, but sometimes do. Kick wax not sticking while on a classic skiing is a good example. Having a bad shooting day, or even when your pole grip doesn’t feel right; those are all things that are so small, so miniscule, and yet I constantly am finding myself getting angry at these things. So I have decided one thing. If you let the little things get the better of you, it’s going to be a long, tiring career as a biathlete or as any athlete for that matter. Whether it be tough training days, lack of sleep, or issues within team members themselves even, these are all things that every athlete in every sport will go through at some point or another. The best athletes in the world are the ones that can take these issues, and “kick them through the goal posts of life”, as one of my teachers once said. Just chalk it all up to self-improvement. Obstacles are inevitable, in sports, in school, in work, in life. The best thing you can do is to work your way over them, not to stand at the base and wonder what to do next. Don’t dwell on the fact that there might be some rough road ahead. There is not always going to be someone to hold your hand through every trying experience you go through, even though we would like to think there will be. That may sound harsh, but it’s a harsh truth. You can’t go through life expecting someone to always be there to make a situation go away, or to have someone make every decision for you, because then, it’s not really your life anymore, is it? There will always be people who will support you, absolutely, (family members, coaches, friends, etc.), and they will help guide you, keeping your best interest in mind, but in the end, the decision is ultimately yours; the sole athlete. The job of an athlete is not only being good at a sport, it is so much more than that. Its being able to withstand many different types of situations, good or bad; being able to shrug off what people may say to bring you down, things like “you’ll never make it to the top”, or “you’re not that good”. Trust me, I’ve heard it. And sometimes it does bother me, for a minute. But then, what is it to me? If anything, statements like that just want to make me work harder to prove them wrong. Can you imagine? Someone saying “you’ll never make it to the top of that podium”, and then the day comes when you are? Standing up there, watching your flag being raised, singing the Star Spangled Banner, because you just won the Olympic gold medal, because that one little statement made you want it that much more? Talk about sweet, sweet victory.  So, I guess, I can sum up exactly what I have just said in one little statement. Do NOT let the little things get to you!