i decided something today.

I decided something today.

 

But first, (before I get to that) I have finally taken a look back at what I was thinking about before my trials races. I was reading way to far into my emotions. I was nervous, plain and simple. I wanted to make this team so badly that I was beginning to doubt all the work I had put in, thinking that it wasn’t good enough, or that everyone else had worked harder than me. But I did know one thing; no one else wanted it as bad as me, and that is what kept me from totally losing my head during the races. After I got past my dramatic thought sequence, I began to realize that drive and focus were 2 things I had that I could use to my advantage, and in the last race, it all came together. And I could not have asked for better timing. So, I can honestly say I have learned from these races. At least now I know what I can expect to encounter on my next big trials races, and do my best to avoid these thoughts, or at least know how to deal with them.

Next thing on my mind? Sweden. This past summer there was an article on usbiathlon.org that was an interview with Grace and I. One of the questions that was asked was something like “what are your major goals for the year?”, and I replied that I would like to make the Youth/Junior World Team (check) and have one top 15 finish in Sweden. Over the past few weeks, I have been getting the vibe that people think this goal is a bit “lofty”, seeing as it is not only my first Youth/Junior Worlds races, but also my first European competition, and my shooting has been a little off lately. I was thinking about this as I was skiing today, and then this thought popped into my head. At first, I was going to try and change my goal, make it a little less of a stretch. The truth is, I was scared to believe in a lofty goal. I didn’t want to look like a total fool if I didn’t achieve it. I put my goal right out there for people to see, and they could do with it whatever they pleased; make fun of it, doubt it, embrace it. I don’t know.  The main conflict was, I did not want to look like a crazy girl who had all these crazy dreams about wanting to do well at her first junior worlds. But you know what? You have to have those crazy dreams in this sport. You have to believe in yourself even when no one else does. (CORNY, but factual.) That is what I have decided.

And you know what I say to those people who doubt my goal? Go watch Miracle. I know that this goal may be difficult to achieve, but if you have a goal that is easy to achieve, what is the point of having a goal in the first place? You need to have something to strive for. Because I set that goal for myself, I am going to be pushing harder and harder through those races to try and achieve it. I am going to want it.  And even if I don’t get it, even if I fail miserably, I will know that I tried, and I at least believed enough in myself to set such a mission for myself.

 **please excuse my use of the word “lofty”. I watch the movie Miracle way to much.