I had done all I could do. My race was done. Over. Everything else that could happen was out of my control. All I could do was sit and watch my name get bumped down from place to place as other girls finished ahead of me. All I needed was a top 60 to be able to race the next day. Top 60, not to hard, right? I shot alright, 3 misses. I thought I had skied alright. For minutes, the contact between my eyes and the big screen monitor was undisturbed. 28th. 34th. 44th. 56th. 60th. If one more person finished ahead of me, I would be out of the pursuit. A few more seconds passed, and the monitor updated. 65th.
Dang.
I dropped my head and closed my eyes. This? This was the feeling of defeat setting in. I sulked into the wax room, dropped my skis off, and walked back to my room. I wasn’t quite sure what to think. I had wanted this. The pursuit. That was one of my goals for this series of races, to qualify for the pursuit. But things didn’t work out that way. Sometimes, that happens. You see things going one way, and they turn out completely different. I had known going into these races that I would have to push myself to get into the pursuit, it wasn’t going to be easy. And I thought that I was ready for it. But when the time came, when that last beep went off and I skied out on that course, I just wasn’t there. And the other girls took advantage of that, as I would have done had the roles been reversed. That’s part of biathlon, taking advantage of your strengths, and trying to overcome your weaknesses.
So, I won’t race tomorrow. Even though I would rather be racing than sitting in the stands, this will be good for me I think. It’s a good chance to sit back, take notes, and learn some things. If I can’t get the experience of racing in the pursuit, at least I will be able to take something away from it. I will be able to see what the other girls from other countries do differently from me, and what they do that is similar to me.
I noticed one thing today. I feel like I have improved a little bit, just by being here, just by experiencing these races and being around these girls. This has been a total eye opener for me, and for a lot of girls here I think. There is a level of competition here that has reminded me why I love this sport. I now recognize how much work and how much improving needs to be done before I can be ready to be competitive at this level. So bring it on, I’m ready for it…for real.
And this is why you are an amazing athlete. You are one of the most incredible people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Being your big sister is one of the most rewarding experiences I have ever had... Proud does not even begin to describe how you make me feel.
ReplyDeleteNo matter what you are dealt, you bring the positive swing. No matter what, you learn from what happens to you, and very very few people can do that. You turned this race, which could have deflated your competition and made you have to start from the ground up. Instead, you will learn. You will take this opportunity to grow.
You are an amazing person... Not just an amazing athlete, but what a person... There are few words that can describe you. Driven, focused, determined. Where do they stop? Thank you for being my little sister, and giving me yet another thing to believe in.
It sounds like you experienced an epiphany in the stands today; it is remarkable that you were so aware of it while it was happening. One definition of an epiphany "is a sudden or intuitive perception or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by a simple occurrence." You should consider this a personal rite of passage, for you the woman and for you the athlete. No wonder your mom is so proud of you!! Remember that someone in Charlotte, North Carolina is cheering for you!
ReplyDeleteWe have never met ,we have never talked,ALTHOUGH I have plans to remedy that...However one thing I can say about what I've read is there are no failures only stepping stones towards a desired goal...I will print what you've written and all the others so that when my son is older he can learn from his cousin what "DRIVE" is.
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