Saturday, January 30, 2010


Some ski signs.

The crowd at the Youth Men Individual.

At the opening ceremonies. this does not even begin to describe how many people were there!

Some kids skiing to school!

**Read the post titled "The Pursuit"

The Pursuit.

I had done all I could do. My race was done. Over. Everything else that could happen was out of my control. All I could do was sit and watch my name get bumped down from place to place as other girls finished ahead of me. All I needed was a top 60 to be able to race the next day. Top 60, not to hard, right? I shot alright, 3 misses. I thought I had skied alright. For minutes, the contact between my eyes and the big screen monitor was undisturbed. 28th. 34th. 44th. 56th. 60th. If one more person finished ahead of me, I would be out of the pursuit. A few more seconds passed, and the monitor updated. 65th.




I dropped my head and closed my eyes. This? This was the feeling of defeat setting in.  I sulked into the wax room, dropped my skis off, and walked back to my room. I wasn’t quite sure what to think. I had wanted this. The pursuit. That was one of my goals for this series of races, to qualify for the pursuit. But things didn’t work out that way. Sometimes, that happens. You see things going one way, and they turn out completely different. I had known going into these races that I would have to push myself to get into the pursuit, it wasn’t going to be easy. And I thought that I was ready for it. But when the time came, when that last beep went off and I skied out on that course, I just wasn’t there. And the other girls took advantage of that, as I would have done had the roles been reversed. That’s part of biathlon, taking advantage of your strengths, and trying to overcome your weaknesses.


So, I won’t race tomorrow. Even though I would rather be racing than sitting in the stands, this will be good for me I think. It’s a good chance to sit back, take notes, and learn some things. If I can’t get the experience of racing in the pursuit, at least I will be able to take something away from it. I will be able to see what the other girls from other countries do differently from me, and what they do that is similar to me.


I noticed one thing today. I feel like I have improved a little bit, just by being here, just by experiencing these races and being around these girls. This has been a total eye opener for me, and for a lot of girls here I think. There is a level of competition here that has reminded me why I love this sport. I now recognize how much work and how much improving needs to be done before I can be ready to be competitive at this level. So bring it on, I’m ready for it…for real.

Friday, January 1, 2010

i decided something today.

I decided something today.


But first, (before I get to that) I have finally taken a look back at what I was thinking about before my trials races. I was reading way to far into my emotions. I was nervous, plain and simple. I wanted to make this team so badly that I was beginning to doubt all the work I had put in, thinking that it wasn’t good enough, or that everyone else had worked harder than me. But I did know one thing; no one else wanted it as bad as me, and that is what kept me from totally losing my head during the races. After I got past my dramatic thought sequence, I began to realize that drive and focus were 2 things I had that I could use to my advantage, and in the last race, it all came together. And I could not have asked for better timing. So, I can honestly say I have learned from these races. At least now I know what I can expect to encounter on my next big trials races, and do my best to avoid these thoughts, or at least know how to deal with them.

Next thing on my mind? Sweden. This past summer there was an article on that was an interview with Grace and I. One of the questions that was asked was something like “what are your major goals for the year?”, and I replied that I would like to make the Youth/Junior World Team (check) and have one top 15 finish in Sweden. Over the past few weeks, I have been getting the vibe that people think this goal is a bit “lofty”, seeing as it is not only my first Youth/Junior Worlds races, but also my first European competition, and my shooting has been a little off lately. I was thinking about this as I was skiing today, and then this thought popped into my head. At first, I was going to try and change my goal, make it a little less of a stretch. The truth is, I was scared to believe in a lofty goal. I didn’t want to look like a total fool if I didn’t achieve it. I put my goal right out there for people to see, and they could do with it whatever they pleased; make fun of it, doubt it, embrace it. I don’t know.  The main conflict was, I did not want to look like a crazy girl who had all these crazy dreams about wanting to do well at her first junior worlds. But you know what? You have to have those crazy dreams in this sport. You have to believe in yourself even when no one else does. (CORNY, but factual.) That is what I have decided.

And you know what I say to those people who doubt my goal? Go watch Miracle. I know that this goal may be difficult to achieve, but if you have a goal that is easy to achieve, what is the point of having a goal in the first place? You need to have something to strive for. Because I set that goal for myself, I am going to be pushing harder and harder through those races to try and achieve it. I am going to want it.  And even if I don’t get it, even if I fail miserably, I will know that I tried, and I at least believed enough in myself to set such a mission for myself.

 **please excuse my use of the word “lofty”. I watch the movie Miracle way to much.